The Guys? Beauty Contest
by Hokimura-sama
Summary: This is my first fanfic. that pretty much explains it. FINSHED!!!!pg-13 and also a warning there will be emBAREassment! hehehehehe! please read and review!!^_^
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Remember I do not own guilty gear at all. Just play it too much.   
Hello! This is my first fan fiction ever! Well, ever on the net any way. But luckily, my legion of ninja cats can take real good dictation. * 100 cats at 100 typewriters typing * So, I really do no work HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
Plot Hole, What are you hiding?  
  
Plot Hole: ME? Nothing, nothing at all  
  
Hokimura: I know you do now give it!!  
  
Plot Hole: it's not for you any way. * Sing song * Ohhh Cats!! Take a look at this!! * Displays catnip *  
  
Hokimura: Catnip? Uh Oh…   
* RUMBLE * Cat Stampede!! AHHHH!!!!!! * Cats chase after Plot Hole * MY CATS!! PLOT HOLE!!!!!!  
  
PH: Chase me, Chase me Tra La La La La. * PH Leaves running from cats *  
……….  
  
Hokimura: ToT now whose going to write this!?! * Sigh * Hey one wrote something. "It was the best of times, you will be hit by dog with an aardvark o.O? Just read.  
  
Begin!  
The scene starts in Jam's restaurant, which is empty due to poor planning (A/N: I never saw her ending so…) Except for a few people.   
Anji-moto and Baiken sitting at one table and Baiken is PO'd like normal. The only other table full has Milla and Venom enjoying a cup of coffee. Jam walks in carrying two bowls of ??  
  
Jam: Here's your house surprise! Enjoy! * Plops on to the table *   
  
Baiken: 'bout time! * Tastes food * hey, this @#$! Is cold!  
  
Jam: * glares * its gazpacho, it's SUPPOSED to be cold!!!  
  
Baiken: * grunts * still cold soup.  
* Jam sighs and tries to take bowl *  
* Baiken growls *  
  
Baiken: I didn't say take it back * hoards bowl *  
  
Anji: any new business?  
  
* Tumbleweed rolls by *  
  
Jam: Of course! Look, now 2 tables are full. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Anji: ……  
  
Jam: * stands on table * I have a plan!  
  
Anji: Other than beating up customers?  
  
Jam: ummm… Now I have another plan!  
* Passes out flyers *  
  
Jam: BOB! You put out those flyers right?  
  
* From kitchen * Yeah!  
  
Jam: With this plan I will have 4 tables full. ELOL (A/N: elol-evil lol)  
  
Anji: ……  
  
Baiken: * mumbles * freak  
  
Milla and venom on the other table look up.  
  
Venom: It says a beauty contest; I'll bet you'd win.  
  
Milla: of course  
  
* Jam get off the table * uhh…  
  
Anji: maybe Baiken could enter * ducks sword *  
  
* May enters with Johnny *  
  
May: I wanna try so I can prove myself to you  
  
Jam: excuse me…  
  
Johnny: but, … fine you can do it.  
  
* Testament and Dizzy walk in *  
  
Testament: The only one who will win is...  
  
Dizzy: you better say me  
  
Zion: * mocking * you better say me  
  
Angel: don't be vain  
  
Jam: GUYS!!!!!!! It's a men's contest!!  
  
* Silence, a dish breaks in the kitchen *  
  
Girls: MEN'S???????  
  
Guys: BEAUTY CONTEST?!?!?!?!?  
  
Jam: Heh, heh this will work! * Triumphant pose*   
  
All: ………  
  
* Tumbleweed rolls by *  
  
Thanks for reading chapter 1, Coming soon is part 2, the contest, who will win, who will lose and will Jam get more business stay tuned to "AS THE GEAR TURNS"   
WTF is that?? It's coming this way!!!! * Arfaga* * Arfaga * * POW * * Arfaga * oww….  
I was just ran over by a dog with an odd bark. Wait a minute. Aww man…  
  
END 


	2. The contest starts

Most of the guys of Gulity Gear signed up. Mostly by Jam's advice  
(and beat downs). Also, much to Jam's begging, BAiken, Zion, Briget, and Millia were going to be the judges. Bob (F.Y.I. Bob Rules!! inside joke)  
Emcee.   
  
*Bob enters to loud cheering*  
  
Bob: Hello and welcome to the 1st annual...  
  
*Jam walks in and stands next to Bob and whispers something*  
  
Bob: uh... grand opening of the first Men's beauty contest!! here at Jam's the place to go!  
  
*Jam shakes her fist threatenly*  
  
Bob: ok, let's meet our contestants!  
  
*Jam walks backstage and then shakes her head*  
  
Bob: Ok, I meant the judges. First is the one-armed swordswoman herself...Baiken!!  
  
*silence, a cricket chirps*  
  
Baiken: Cheer or the crowd will be a lot smaller.  
  
*Loud cheering*  
  
Baiken: That's better!  
  
Bob: Ok, and we have Zion! the vampire?/crow that is Testement's friend anything you would like to say Zion?  
  
* silence *  
  
Anything at all... *pause* ok moving on, next is *looks at cue card* Briget! wait a minute, Briget is a guy!  
  
*Jam mouths 'its all good' and gives a thumbs up*  
  
Moving right along, we have Mill... where's Millia? (A/N: is it Milla or Millia?)  
  
* Millia's chair is replaced by a Big TV with a shadowed man in it*  
  
???: I am THE MAN!  
  
Bob: wait aren't you  
  
* dozens of lazerpoints point at various points* (say that 3 times fast)  
  
Bob: Never mind... The MAN everybody!  
  
BACKSTAGE  
  
Everyone is getting dressed and Sol walks up to the posted rules  
  
* reading rules* No weapons!?! F this!  
  
*Ky walks by* Your just mad you don't get to kill anybody  
  
Sol: Yeah! that was what I was going to do for the talent part.   
  
*door opens out of no where and hits Sol in the face and Faust walks out of it*  
  
Faust: Hai!  
  
* door dissappears and Chipp walks by *  
  
Chipp: There should be a no freaks rule.  
  
Sol: would you've been able to enter?   
  
Chipp: *hangs head* I did therapy!! *runs crying*  
  
Sol: Not enough *walks away*  
  
*Anji and Venom are waiting by the wall*  
  
Anji: *stares at Venom* Can you see?  
  
Venom: of course! * turns and hits wall* I meant to do that!  
  
Anji: Do you even have eyes?  
  
* Venom moves hair and reveals... The Millieum Eye!*  
  
Anji: *wide eyed* is your real name... MAximillion Pegasus? (sorry bad joke)  
  
Venom: No... *slowly walks away in to the bathroom*  
  
Johnny and Zato are looking at the mirror  
  
Johnny: I think my black style is the best.  
  
Zato: *turns* Oh yeah? say that to my face!  
  
Johnny: *sigh* I would if you would turn around, god you are worse than Venom!  
  
*from the bathroom* I heard that! *folloed by a loud splash* I'm okay!  
Potemkin marches in  
  
Potemkin: I will enter another conest for the Honor of Zepp!  
  
*a time hole opens and Axl falls through, lands on Potemkin*  
  
Axl: Hey buddy! wow another contest huh?  
  
*Ky walks up and helps Axl off Potemkin*  
  
Ky: Its a beauty contest run by Jam  
  
Axl: You mean that crazy lady!?!  
  
*from nowhere* I heard that!!  
  
Axl: beauty?  
  
*Faust walks by in a shiny dress and holding a bouguet of flowers*  
  
Faust: Hai!!  
  
Ky: see what I mean?  
  
Axl: Cool! wonder if they have my size *runs off in search of a good dress*  
  
*Bob looks in from onstage*  
  
Bob: are you guys ready?  
  
* Faust walks up in his dress followed by Axl in a dress*  
  
Both: Hai!!  
  
Bob: *groan* close enough come on!  
Thanks for reading chapter 2. stop by soon for the conclusion. Review and guess who wins. 


	3. Meet the contestants!

So sorry about the wait but computer shut down and then I couldn't find it AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! Ok Chapter 3.  
  
*Onstage*  
Bob: Ok new to finally meet our contestants! First is Anji-Mito   
  
*Cheers as Anji walks in in a fancy kimono still wearing a head wrap* (There is another   
name for a guy's kimono but Can't remember)  
  
Bob: uuh, You don't need the disguise, take off the head wrap  
  
Anji: Oh! *removes wrap and has hair to the floor* Better?  
  
Bob: *wide eyed* Heh... ok Anji is a resident of the Colony and is not out for revenge let's hear it for Anji!! *A few people in japanese garb chant Anji's name*  
  
Baiken: I guess I should cheer too. *cricket* *cricket*  
  
Bob: OK next is Chipp Zanuff...  
  
* Chipp teleports next to Bob* Surprize!  
  
Bob: Ahh!!  
  
Chipp: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!  
  
Bob: errrr!!!! Chipp is a drug adict ninja with no defence!  
  
Chipp: I can block! *Random pebble flys and hits Chipp in the arm* Ow! oweee!!!! that going to bruise.  
  
*Millia snickers from the audience with pebbles*  
  
Bob: told you next is...*looks at list* oh no! Faust!  
*Faust walk in wearing a full blown ball gown*  
  
Faust: *Blows kisses* Hello!  
  
Bob: Faust what's with the dress! your a guy *pause* aren't you?  
*Faust is busy eating candy* Huh?  
  
Bob: Never mind... ok moving on we have the Captain of the Holy Knights Ky Kiske!  
*Ky walks in in a miliatry march in a formal uniform and saltutes*  
  
Bob: Possible the only normal person to ever work for the Holy Knights.  
*Ky marches into line up*  
  
Bob: next we have another Captain. Johnny of the Jolly Roger pirates! (A/N: if there is another name...)  
*loud cheering*  
  
Johnny: thank you, thank you *blows kisses*  
  
May: *shouts* Johnny I love you! *holds up gaint I heart Johnny sign*  
  
Johnny: oh man...*weakly waves back*  
  
Ky: Pirate! that is a violation of code...  
  
Bob: shut it! next is Sol Badguy as his name says he is a bad guy  
*Sol walks in with his sword*  
  
Bob: Sol the rules says no swords!  
  
Sol: *points sword at Bob* What sword? *gun shot an inch from Sol*   
  
Bob: what sniper?  
  
*Sol grumbles and sticks sword in the stage* stupid rules!  
  
*Ky spys sword* Mine! *leaps for it but is clotheslined by Sol*  
  
Sol: get back kid.  
  
Ky: *Whines* I'm not a kid *gets dragged off by Sol*  
  
Bob: weird... Next is Testement! *Testement phases in through the floor*  
  
Backstage: Hey! He stole my entrance!  
  
Testement: *evil laugh, Zion flys to Testements side*  
  
Bob: Hey! no miggling between the judges and the contestants!  
  
*Zion sadly flys back and pouts in chair*  
  
Bob: next is Maxi *hit my an 8-ball * I mean Venom!  
  
*Venom walks in wearing his business suit*  
  
Bob: Venom is the left hand man of a *snickers* powerful *snickers* assiasin guild * dodges 8-ball and laughs*  
  
Venom: we are to be feared!  
  
Bob: *snickers* from a guild run by two guys who can't see?  
  
Venom: It's about style! *trips and falls an face*  
  
Bob: Next is the time traveler himself Axl Low!  
  
*Axl walks in and helps Venom up*  
  
Axl: Need a hand? *laughs*  
  
Venom: Humf! some people have more class.  
  
Axl: and some know when to get a haircut!  
  
Bob: *looks at Axl in dress* Not you too!  
  
Axl: what? it's just for special days plus. *filps hair* I can work it! *walks away with hands on hips* *wolf whisle*  
  
Bob: getting weirder and I don't think its going to stop. Ok, Next is Potemkin!  
  
*Potemkin walks in stiffly wearing a huge tux*  
  
Potemkin: *whispers* do I look....Ok?  
  
Bob: your fine.  
  
Potemkin: It doesn't make me look, well....big?  
  
Bob: What? you are, like, 7 ft tall and 4 ft wide! you are big!  
  
Potemkin: *whimpers* you could of been nicer about it *walks off crying*  
  
Bob: just great, now the LAST CONTESTANT! *Loud Cheers* Yeah I know... Zato-One  
  
Zato: *phases in from roof* Ha! beat that Testement!  
  
Testement: wow, that was actullay good.  
  
Zato: Thank you.  
  
Testement: for a blind man.  
  
*Zato scowls and Eddy points and laughs*   
  
Zato: Who was that?! *Eddy turns and whisles*  
  
Bob: and now the swimsuit competition! but first a commercial break...  
I hope you liked this chapter and The END is near, so is this story. Gomen ne again. 


	4. The very very very end!

OK this is go to be a little hairy, but bare with me I should be ok........................I hope  
  
Bob: welcome back! and now the swimsuit compe....Wait a minute, swimsuit? Jam!  
  
Jam: what? *Bob glares* Fine I'll change it to Shirt-less!!!!!!!  
*Women Cheer* *Millia reloads camera*  
  
Jam: Yeah alright! you know what I'm talking about!  
  
*Bob goes back stage*  
  
Bob: Ok the new competition is shirt less and....*wide eyed* you were going to wear that!?!  
  
Sol: What? I think it looks nice.  
  
Ky: you and only you.  
  
Sol: What was that!?!?!  
*Ky hides behind Potemkin*  
  
*Onstage*  
  
Bob: ok they are ready, Judges are ready I'm not but who cares! Presenting Anji-mito!  
  
*Anji walks onstage with fighting out fit*  
  
Bob: huh?  
  
Anji: it is shirtless.  
  
Bob: Judges?  
  
Bridget: 6 out of 10  
Zion: *morphs in to the shape of a 7*  
  
Bob: she can do that?  
  
THE MAN: 7  
  
*Baiken tries not to look*  
  
Anji: Baiken!  
  
Baiken: 9 *turns to wall*  
  
Bob: is Baiken blushing? *Baiken pins Bob to the wall with sword* Nevermind. *Baiken let's him down* *gasp* ok thank you Anji. *gasp*  
  
Bob: Now we have Axl-Low!  
*Axl walks in shirtless waving huge British flags*  
  
Axl: God save the Queen!  
  
Random person: He's not a Queen! that's just a rumor!  
  
Axl: ????  
  
Bob: Judges?  
  
Bridget: 6  
  
THE MAN: 6  
  
*Zion morphs in to a 2*  
  
Baiken: pervert! 2!  
  
*Axl walks away grinning* hoe!  
  
Baiken: What was that!? *slowly draws sword*  
  
Axl: ummm...I said Low! like my name.  
  
Baiken: thought so!  
  
Bob: next is *Chipp teleports in*  
  
Chipp: Surprize! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!  
  
Bob: grrr!!! Judges!?  
  
THE MAN: 2  
  
*Zion changes into a 5*  
  
Baiken: Japanese wannabe! 2!  
  
Bridget: ummm.... 8! *big grin*  
  
*other judges glare*  
  
Bridget: What!?  
  
Bob: next is.... ah crap! Faust....  
  
*Faust walks in wearing a mesh top muscle shirt*  
  
Random person: hey! he has a shirt!  
  
Bob: Trust me its better this way. Judges?  
  
Bridget: uhh! 1!  
  
THE MAN: 1  
  
*Zion changes into a big fat 0*  
  
Baiken: Freak! 1!  
  
*Faust walks proudly back to line*  
Faust: I'm number 1!  
  
Bob: If you say so.... Now we have Ky!!!  
  
*Ky Stiffly marches up to the stage*  
  
Backstage: That was a sloppy march! you dishonor....whatever country your from...grr that was lame.  
  
*Ky pauses and takes of shirt*  
  
*Loud wolf whistle* *Ky blushes*  
  
Bridget: 8! *stares*  
  
THE MAN: whoa... 6!  
  
*Zion changes into a 7*  
  
Baiken: Dang! 8! *blushes* whoa!  
  
*Photo flash from audience*  
  
Ky: EEEEKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!*covers body with hands and runs backstage*  
  
Backstage: Who took that?!?!?!?!  
  
*Millia snickers while drying polariod*  
  
Bob: ok, next is Johnny! *Loud cheering*  
  
*Johnny walks in in fighting outfit* (which has no shirt)  
  
Johnny: Thank you *Tosses roses*  
  
May: *Shouts* I LOVE YOU!!! *waves giant 'I love Johnny' sign*  
  
Johnny: yeah...*weakly waves*  
  
Backstage: dating a minor is in violation of...  
  
Bob: enough! Judges?  
  
Bridget: 7  
  
THE MAN: 7  
  
*Zion changes into a 7*  
  
Baiken: japanese style stealer! 6!  
  
Bob: rolling along its Sol Badguy!  
  
*SOl walks and stands next to impaled sword* (Yup still there)  
  
Bridget: uhhh *Sol growls* .....9  
  
THE MAN: I'm not afraid of him! I'm on TV! 4! *TV is destroyed by Sol Boot*  
  
*A replacement TV is wheeled in*  
  
*Zion shruges and changes into a 8*  
  
Baiken: *Draws sword* try me 2!  
  
*Sol grunts, shakes fist and walks into the line-up*  
  
*Testement teleports in through floor*  
  
Backstage: Stop stealing my entrance!!!!!  
  
Bob: Judges?  
  
Bridget: Oooo!! Gothic! 8!  
  
THE MAN: Ahh useful pawn...7!  
  
*Zion changes into a crows and flys around with a giant 10 sign and honking a horn*  
  
Baiken: all freaks get a 2, so, 2! HA!  
  
*Potemkin march in better than Ky* (Ky: Hey!) *in a shirt then flexes and clothes rip*  
  
Potemkin: I stand for the good of Zepp!!  
  
Bob: *covering eyes* That's not all that's standing!  
  
Bridget: *laughing* 7!  
  
THE MAN: pawn, 6  
  
*Zion silently laughs and changes into a 5*  
  
Baiken: The best yet 1! I mean 10! you make me laugh and not just because of your skills.  
  
Bob: Awwwwww! How sweet *dodges Baiken's sword swing* Now Venom!  
  
*Venom walks in wearing his fight suit and takes off shirt*   
(A/N: basically his battle intro in the game)  
  
Bridget: Very nice, 9  
  
THE MAN: 4  
  
*Zion changes into a 4*  
  
Baiken: not bad...6!  
  
*Venom poses and turns to walk off but falls on his face and crawls away*  
  
Bob: Now the last one *Loud cheers*  
  
*Zato phases from Bob's shadow*  
  
Zato: can't do that can ya Testament!  
  
Testament: please! I did that when I was 4! come on!  
  
Zato: *stuck out tongue* fine!  
*Zato removes his shirt and he is pale*  
  
Bridget: 3,  
  
THE MAN: get some sun. 4  
  
*Zion nods to Testament and changes into a 3*  
  
Baiken: *YAWN* 1.  
  
Bob: ok now are judges will go to the green room and do scores! and then it will be over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Loud Cheering*  
  
Bob: It looks like our judges are ready and so what is the *Pause* judges?  
  
*The judges are tied under the table and they are replaced with the little Faust clones dressed in the judges costumes*  
  
Bob: Jam!  
  
Jam: just keep going!  
  
Bob: Fine!......Judges?  
  
*hands Bob an envelope*  
  
Bob: wonder how this will turn out...come on Jam! *Jam gives thumps up* The winner is.............. *reads* 3rd is Potemkin, 2nd is Faust... that's differant. most cheaters want to win.. First place goes to KY KISKE!!!!  
  
*Ky walks in clothed, Faust in a fancy ballgown and Potemkin in a Mumu*  
  
Bob: a Mumu?  
  
Potemkin: it fit.  
  
Bob: congradulation!!! and so Jam... what is their prize?  
  
*Long silence*  
  
Jam: prize? I was supposed to have a prize? *stares blankly*  
  
Bob: *anime jaw drop* you set up a contest with no prize!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Jam: heh, heh, heh, .....oops? *shrugs*  
  
THE FINAL FINAL END!  
  
I hope you enjoyed it. did I and This was my first fan fic. *grin*  
  
Cheer my legion of ninja cats!  
*silence* where are they? *cats run by chasing Plot hole*   
  
PH: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Hokimura-sama: I'll kill him! *chases Plot hole*  
  
THE FINAL FINAL FINAL END! 


End file.
